:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
