Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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