guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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