so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
