Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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