i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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