You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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