He kissed a someone with a penis
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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