Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
