All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
