It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
