I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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