youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
