Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
