(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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