"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So much rum. So many feels.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
