Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
