That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
