I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
