i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
