He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
