The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you never un-have a 4some
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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