I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
