I'm eating all of the evidence.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
