I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
