He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
