I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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