My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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