Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
