we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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