Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
