This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
