His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
