I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
