is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
