I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
