oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
