What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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