i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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