Banned from zoo.
Again?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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