On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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