Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
