And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
