My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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