Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
