Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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