i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
