Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
