come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
