just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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