dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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