Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
