I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
