So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
