The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
