Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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