My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
