I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
