Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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