Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
