btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
