Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize