Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
