my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
