I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize
