I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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