New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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