You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
