it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize