The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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